We’d have it all.

I desperately need sleep.

How do I know I desperately need sleep? I look like absolute shit. Sides the face problem thingamajig, my eyebags are CRAZY, my eyes look permanently bengkak, I look pale as ever, and I am hunching sometimes?? In kindy mothers used to point at me and say ‘sit like that!’ ok. But in form 3 Jay’s mom would point at her GRANDFATHER and tell her to ‘sit like that!’ or ‘at least like Joyce’. -_- Which means I sit worse the almost perfect grandfather figure who fetched us from tuition every week, and then to school. Which is actually not so bad. Heh.

Today I am less impulsive than I usually am. Today I saw a dress I wanted to buy, which had loose threads hanging all over the edge horribly, so I asked for another one, only to discover there was no other one. Now normally I’d get it anyway. I’d cut the threads off and sometimes it gets worse in the wash, then I don’t wear it ever again. Or I’d get something else anyway, just to replace the place of it on my bare hands, because I was already anticipating something. But today I didn’t! Instead I bought something for someone other than myself, can you call me unselfish or what! HEHE.

Anyway, last day of work today. I was off at 1.30, bloody early and bloody happy. After that I attempted to enroll myself in a course but of course I failed to do so because I had absolutely no documents with me nor did I have any money to even pay the registration fees. So I have to go back tomorrow and be mopey about it. Today’s such a horrible day. Thursday the 6ths should replace Friday the 13ths because my Friday the 13ths have never been particularly bad.

So the horrible-est thing today, is that when I was rushing get the bloody door for my mom, I BANGED THE SPEAKER AND THE CONTROLLER HOLDER ON TOP OF IT FELL ON MY RIGHT LITTLE TOE. IT IS SHITTILY HEAVY AND MADE OF UGLY BLACK WOOD AND IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY IT IS STILL HURTING AFTER ALMOST 5 HOURS. I CAN FEEL IT EVEN WITHOUT TOUCHING IT. AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO DIE. I DO. OMG. I’M GOING TO DIE. IT HURTS. AND IT’S BLACKISH. ALREADY LA PEOPLE’S NAIL CAME OUT AND NOW I’M SOME FREAKY GIRL WITHOUT A TOENAIL, BUT I HAVE TO HAVE IT BRUISED NOW ALSO. I AM THE SADDEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. I REALLY AM. I REALLY REALLY REALLY AM.

But psht, I am going to stop whining in my blog at 3am. Can somebody tell me why I can’t sleep at night when I am really dead tired? I mean I had barely 4 hours of sleep last night, and it is the last 3 days of my holiday, so I’m technically supposed to sleep it off like normal people do, but I can’t I can’t I can’t. Is it because I hate sleeping? I think it’s such a waste of time. I don’t know why I always sound so busy when I honestly have nothing majorly important to complete. But how is sitting here in front of the computer any more beneficial? Beats me.

From Monday onwards I am going to learn to love a course I don’t really like, and that scares me because I don’t want to like it.

This is not what I want.

My nose hurts. I’ve blown it so much the skin around it is peeling, and it stings like crazy!

And instead of recuperating I spent almost the entire day in the library, and then in McDonald’s.

Studying and listening to Bees talk nonsense and Joel sing along to Pussycat Dolls wth. At one point all of us were brain dead and all “let’s go sit on the slide”, but of course we didn’t. It required too much effort, we were too lazy to even go to the toilet the floor below.

It’s been on/off fever and super terrible flu and drowsiness.

I’ve been dying and auntypanty bought me 24 packets of tissue for rm2 in guardian wth. He has also been actioning about not having any more ‘major’ papers after tomorrow, and I am so sad lah why like that one he : (.

No time to rest tomorrow after Physics either because I am so dead for leaving Accounting for the day before. And then no time to rest the day after because I am so dead for leaving Chemsitry for the day before!

$*$(*%&$%$%(&*

I’ve only been doing Physics, but it’s because I really really really suck in Physics.

Fridayyyyyy.

Random thought at 1.11am (less than 8 hours to my paper wtf):

Have you ever noticed that if a super chun girl dates a super gross guy she’s ‘probably a gold digger’, but if it’s the other way round where some super cute guy has a fugly girlfriend, he ‘doesn’t judge people based on their looks and is such a nice guy‘.

I PUI.

It’s back again!

I’m sick again! Let me just die lah I have the immune system of a peanut.

Come on!

I forgot to bring my lucky stars today!!!

Must be the reason why I had the stupidity to put down the answer for the maximum height of my tree as ’729metres’. I am such a genius one okay, trees grow taller than the KL tower in my book! And it’ll take it 1160years to grow that high.

Can anybody tell me why I am so smart : (. So sad lah! Hmph.

From tomorrow onwards I am going to be so gungho about Physics, you’ll never see me be more gungho about it ever. Remind me to avoid taking Physics in the future because I obviously absolutely suck in Physics pui pui pui. I always knew, you know. Even during my SPM days, I swore to never take Physics ever again, but look how hypocritical I became wth!

Taking Physics and studying for it. Psshtt. But the only reason I took it was cause I wanted to do Chemistry (my THEN favourite subject) and Accounting, and the stupid lady said that it will be a really weird combination, unless I take Physics, or take Biology instead of Accounting.

So yes, Physics, Physics, Physics. Why am I bothering to capitalize all the P’s!

Speaking of physics, there’s this girl in my Physics tuition who likes to pick on me wth. She’ll say all sorts of stupid things about the things I wear/do/say, and the other day she called me ‘such a girl’!!!!! How can!!!!! All because I use a lime green pen to write my notes, and that I act like I like pink or something. She has Simple Plan on her pencilcase don’t see me calling her ‘such a loser’ to her face!!!!

Hmph. Call my mother whack her then she know. Heehee.

I am so ranty nowadays. *blushes*.

You’re not so happy.

I won the lottery two days ago *smug look.

So we were just walking past the 4d place, and randomly going “eh, buy number lah hahahaha” but we actually went through with it wth. My first time buying toto or whatever we call it!!!

We chose a few random numbers, and spent rm10. Then we went to school. And then I studied. And then I got angry. And then I studied again.

But that’s besides the point, because..

WE WON!!!!

WE WON!!!!!!

I MEAN LIKE THE NUMBER CAME OUT IN THE RESULTS KIND OF THING OMG OMG OMG!!!

We won and please congratulate me now because I am rm5 richer wth. Stupid ibox. Wth is rm5 going to do! Still losing what, since people spent rm10. Pui. Laubehchet like anything. Win rm5 might as well don’t win!

Ya ya very bitter cause still pmsing. Maybe I should have thumped in the middle of the foyer like the BB keeps advising me to.

Hmph. I lost my black colour thing to transfer pictures. So sad, I’ll look for it later, maybe.

Why do I lose everything?! Most of my notes are nowhere! I promised myself to look for them before my exam, but Chemistry ended over almost a week ago and I still don’t know where all the photostated papers Mrs Kala gave us are!

No time lah, I’ve been camping out in the library. And I’ve been sitting crossed legged so much, probably not aware that I’m looking slightly obscene because most times I’ve been wearing skirts because most long pants are so mafan wth.

Today is happy environment day or something so happy environment day hehehehe. I am not very environmental friendly, but I try to do my best! I mean, I don’t throw rubbish out of the car window, except very very occasionally if my sweet fell on the carpet and there are no tissues or something, but they are so biodegradable anyway, and if you see my throwing even a plastic straw out of the car, you can slap me!

Buttt I’m still not that gungho about separating my garbage and recycling or anything, but I pray someday I’ll become like that. No really one.

So since I’ve only been losering and studying and at least thinking about being more environmental friendly, how come Mr Khoo wrote in my mock report that my bad results is due to my inattentiveness during lessons, possibly because of my UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE??!?!?!!

He which eye see me having an unhealthy lifestyle! A lot of people got ‘lack of attendance’, even aunty panty, but I come as much as him, so I should get lack of attendance also what, what is this lifestyle commenting nonsense!!

Math tomorrow, but with my lucky stars around my neck and the BB’s supposed very good Lilian-Too-style of crossings, IF I STILL CANNOT DO I WILL DIE OK. I will just cry and cry and cry in the exam hall thank you.

Oh since I’m still PMSing, another thing I cannot stand is when people tell me too last minute work is no use. That studying the morning itself is no use. That I should use it to have a good breakfast instead because it is sooooo pointless. No use stressing yourself lah later cannot do the exam lah feel tired lah blah lah. Maybe it works for you lah but if I don’t finish the syllabus you think I’ll do better by eating good breakfast and getting good rest is it.

Pui.

3 more chapters and less than 12 hours left wth.

This is going to alllll be over after Friday, and then I have loseration on Saturday, and then I can maybe start working on being slightly less loserish! : D

Please remember.

Yesterday was absolute shit!

Chemistry was so incredibly hard I almost died, then I had to find out I have my youknowwhat RIGHT before my Mechanics paper, like 5-minutes-no-time-to-run-down-to-the-bookstore-already-before kind of before, which got me in such a super bad mood that I was too lazy to correct a mistake I already knew was wrong? Wth? WTH?!?!?!?!

The 45 minutes of extra time I had was spent lying down and thinking about the pain and whining to myself about the pain and thinking about what if I had a stain?! and drawing on the question paper and writing random lyrics all over and and and I didn’t correct my mistake even though I thought it all out in my head already. I will dedicate a one month mourning period to my paper if I do really badly.

Thank goodness in the next two days I don’t have any papers, which means I won’t have yet another opportunity to act so unreasonably during an exam, as I do with everything during this period (pun intended hehehehehehe). Yaaaa I’m one of those annoying girls who blames everything on PMS. And if you’re going to be all “dis is wai dere’s discliminasion larhzz, u all gals wanna ownself act so weakzz, den dwun complane ler next time ppls say u all girls cannot do wat wert wut (what what what)”, shut up lah.

Ya so nobody says it like that, but I like la I pmsing now! And most people who think like that think it’s cool to type like that really one really one. And I dunno why there’re so many spellings to ‘what’ also. I understand abbreviations, but wtf is WERT? Doesn’t even sound the same ok. Unless it’s supposed to be very cutesy or something.

So angry today la. I remember I have a lot of other things to complain about.

But I’m going to just get some vitagen and some sleep. Hmphs. My BB and my boyfriend loves me most during this time because I do not annoy them or use it to my advantage (like ‘PPL PMSING WHAT!!!!’) or whine one, really.

Never take friendship personal.

I am feeling so incredibly annoyed with this health cycle I’ve been having.

It seems like I’m falling sick every other day almost. Nothing major, but it is damn annoying to wake up with a blocked nose, or an itchy eye, or sounding like a man, or something lah!

And have I talked about my jogging thing since I mentioned it a while ago? I went three times! I think. Or maybe twice. But anyway I’ve stopped. And the reason I am no longer happy about going to the park is because Esther Bratty Oo BANGED ME WITH HER BICYCLE!!!

Okay granted it wasn’t on purpose or anything, but still! It was damn painful, and I had a long drip of blood. (Okay maybe a speck, but that is hardly exaggerating, the pain felt as if it was a long drip. Exaggerating would be saying I bled a whole pool.)

Do you want to know how I fell??? Aunty Smelly Chong decided to race with me, and then suddenly I didn’t feel like racing very much anymore (because my shoes were slipping off, and I didn’t want to lose heheheheh WHAT), so I stopped short, while Esther was cycling behind me, and that B.O (Bratty Oo) doesn’t know how to use her brakes! So she ran into me and I fell on my ass like the kind like really on the floor kind. Like the kind the BB will laugh at if she sees because she is evil like that.

But if I witnessed her fall in the foyer I would have laughed like anything also HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (but I will help you after I am done laughing, promise!). Clumsy Ng! Fall in front of a lot of people Ng! Embarrassed yourself Ng!

But anyway, how can! If I had a bicycle when I was 10, I’d make sure I knew how to use the brakes! And then this is another sensitive issue about how she could get a bicycle, and Stella Oo also had a bicycle, BUT I NEVER GOT ONE.

I never got one even though I pleaded and begged for one!!! Daddy bought me a Barbie with a bicycle instead! So angry! Pui him!

But okay shall not go too deep into that.

I have to get back to studying I guess. I am the saddest girl in the world. I sneezed about 34857395 times in the past hour, and my left eye is slightly reddish. That and I have to do Accounting tonight because I hate Accounting.

I haven’t done any Accounting at all since.. quite a while back. Helen (the fiercey fiercey mentor) called me and asked me why I haven’t been attending revision classes, but that new lecturer takes one and a half hours to discuss ONE subjective question, can? Our entire paper is only 2 hours ok madam. And although I don’t really get it and it’s probably at my pace, I don’t like it and I fall asleep. Heehee. What.

So between not attending classes and not doing homework, maybe I should just not do any Accounting at all and count on my prayers because they say prayer works what hahaha no la no la study also la won’t take prayers for granted la yada yada yada.

Babes! We’ll hang out (as you like to say it now eww) after my exams yo!

A lot of love and affection.

I’ve been extra whiny these days, as I always am during times like these. Times like these when I have my terrible combo.

Like you know, I’ve been complaining about the flu, the sorethroat, the headache, the cramps…

But do you know that my eye is also bengkak!!!

So I go to school looking like absolute shit, I come home looking like absolute shit, and I take my power 10-minute-naps looking like absolute shit. All this while feeling like absolute shit! Cannot breathe la sound like man la eyes cannot open properly la head damn heavy la stomach pain la. Pui.

I once told Aunty Chongs that if I’m grouchy and I don’t want to talk, he can offer me ice cream and then I’ll be okay. ‘What if you don’t want!’, he asks. ‘Then you insist on getting it no matter what I say!’

So because I’ve been super duper moody today,

“Ice cream?”
“Dowan.”
“Still buy?”
“Dowannnnn.”
“BUY ANYWAY!!!”

times 345734534895.

-_- So tulan!

You are my sweetest downfall.

What the hell is with this being sick every month now!

I want to die want to die want to die. I’ve been sneezing so much and using so many tissues it’s so sad. I was blowing my nose like crazy during my Moral exam that I decided to leave super early because it was getting so annoying.

SO SAD LAH. I hope I don’t fail Moral. BB you cross that specials you always do, okay.

I pray that my life will be drama-less and mundane. Please don’t feed me anything you know will make me a little bit insane because I am sick, stressed, and stupid (wth I just wanted another s), so I will not handle it well, ok. And from now until the 15th of June I will attempt to make myself even more boring than I already am.

I tried taking pictures of Cassidy Smalls (or Lansi Smalls or whatever now haha) but she kept moving around so everything is super blur. I think she likes me because she hasn’t attempted to bite my nose yet, supposedly she does that a lot, okay. She insists on sleeping on my pillow, she chases me around but she doesn’t let me carry her. PUI.

WHY AM I SICK?!?!??!!

CAN EVERYBODY PLEASE LOVE MEEEEE! Or tell me that I am very nice.

Let’s give them something to talk about.

Hello holidayyyyy!

I love love love you.

Although technically it’s a study break or whatever. Please lah, A2 is so far away *waves hand nonchalantly*. Hehehehehe dowan to say already later my BB pok me.

I woke up today feeling really weird. It’s not really one of those omg I feel like shit today days, but close.

Lately I feel like I have a lot of anger vent up inside. With everybody. People tell me I’m too impulsive with my relationships. Not just with the boyfriend, but also with friends, with the family, everybody. I get angry really quick, then I scream at you and tell you that I wish you were never my boyfriend/friend/(sister when I was younger, I stopped now hahaha) and a lot of other things I never mean. So I guess lately I’ve been doing less of that.

Not good because everytime I get some time to think it’s like “why the hell was I so calm about it when I am obviously not that okay with it!!!” Then now it’d be too late to bring it up again, so I’ll just be so annoyed with myself. I think I’m really just a shouty person. Argh. If I’m angry, let me scream at you for a while please please please (but then you cannot be angry at me one hehehehehe, even if you want to scream at me later you have to sayang me back wth). Don’t make me suck it up!

I’m thinking this has to do with how Che brought me up this way. Heh. Everytime we fight we have a lot of door slammings hair pullings phone throwings loud screamings. 5 minutes later she offers to bring me out for ice cream.

That, is my perfect type of argument (er, or fight in the case of the sister). I get my point across, you get yours, and you love me and come hug me back! But I’ve never been the one to hug you back first, because if I do it’s a really big deal to me and then repeat paragraph starting with “not good because..”

Okay. I’m less angry now. Actually this time I don’t really know what I’m angry about. I’m just annoyed about something wth so I am also annoyed with everybody. My mom thinks I’ll be damn terrible to live with hehhehehehe but I think she’s doing just fine, and she’s lying one because she loves me like anything and loves living with me.

I am going to revive my (out-dated) Tamagotchi! What. It used to make me happy! The BB has version 4 now, make me feel like Loser Oo only.

Oh oh oh I tried surprising her the other day, with a balloon and cards and a tiny piece of cake with 19 candles. It was burning so brightly cause the candles took up like 80% of the surface of the cake and it looked super retarded, I was so happy!

…

Until the fire got so big that the whole box looked like it was on fire, but I still thought it was quite cool until omgomgomg suddenly I noticed that it WAS on fire!

Stupid wind! I was so shocked! Omg I mean I really didn’t expect that to happen!

“OMFG B MY CAKE IS BURNING!! IT’S BURNING IT’S BURNING!!”

All I saw was fire so he blew out all the candles so by the time she opened the door and came out the cake was not lighted anymore. In fact the waxy paper was burnt and it was a bit smelly.

Wtf, so sad!

I am going to go to the last day of Roxy sales or whatever haha, and try to buy something with my miniscule amount of money.